I never thought I would ever say that I missed working in retail. It's not so much retail that I miss, but more so human interaction. I'm currently working at a very small office with only 7 people. I'm sure they are all fine people, but we are on the phone all day and hardly interact with each other. I think its just been bumming me out lately that I don't interact with anybody for nine hours a day.
     Sure I'm talking to people on the phone all day, but that is entirely different than actually talking to someone. People get the same superiority complex that they get when speaking to someone over the internet. Something about not being able to see the person your talking to seems to make it ok to talk to them like they just stole your lunch money and kicked your dog. It's just easy to disconnect emotions when it feels like you are just talking to a machine. Which really is what it feels like when your talking to someone on a computer or over a phone sometimes. You are physically talking to a machine, it makes it hard to realize there is a person operating that machine.
     I'm sure I've talked about this on this blog before, but I just really enjoy people. I'm sure I complain about them all the time in past retail jobs, and just in day to day life. But I think humans are the most interesting thing in the world. Consider your entire life, all of the people you know, the things you've learned, the things you've felt, the things you love and hate. Now consider that every single person in the world has a completely different image in their mind when they think of the same things. Its like our world is full of an infinite number of smaller worlds inside of every persons head, and I just think thats really neat. Even when I deal with someone who is acting like an ass, I still enjoy just thinking about how different their world is from mine.
     It's almost like this job has been training me though to stop interacting with people though. I noticed I hardly ever even text anyone anymore, I think just because I am so used to not talking to anyone all day. So if you feel like I've been MIA lately, please just keep prodding me and try to crack my post work shell. I leave work with the full intent of talking to everyone and anyone I can lay my eyes on. But then by the time I get home, I'm just tired. My post work routine for the past few days has been to take a shot, eat a pickle, call my mom and hide in my house. For that at least I'm glad I live with my boyfriend and three other guys. It gives me a built in group of people I can talk to with out having to to my pajamas off and interact like a real person.
     Usually while I'm at work I spend a lot of time planning all the things I'm going to do when I get home. But, I get home and generally none of it happens. My body and brain are just not cool with this whole 9-5 thing. By the time I get home I have no energy left and then the weekends are generally spent catching up on all the things I didn't have the energy to do.
     I have had a hard time coming to terms with multiple sclerosis fatigue in that sense. It infuriates me that sitting at a computer all day makes me so tired. I feel like I have no reason to by tired and try to proceed as normal but then my body reminds me, hey girl your exhausted. I've been reading a lot about MS fatigue lately, hoping someone on a foreign blog will have the cure for it, but I haven't found that magic pill yet. It's just something that I need to learn to except, sometimes this dumb disease just makes you tired.
     Which seems so stupid, everyone is tired. But its a special kind of tired. I have actually been brought to tears reading forums of people with MS describing their fatigue and then describing how not one person in their life understands it. But then it is so nice to be able to see that there are people out there who's little personal worlds are similar to mine.