I have mostly exclusively dated people who knew me prior to my MS diagnosis. Given this I had never been in a situation before where I had to explain my disease and what it means to someone I was dating and had just met. Recently though the tables have turned and I have been exploring the world of casually dating with a chronic disease.

And it's weird.

     It feels like starting a new job. You dont want to lead in your interview with the fact that you have a chronic disease but also know you shouldn't lie about it too much because it may effect your job at some point. It's gotten awkward,  I know I have made people uncomfortable, but its been an interesting learning experience. 

     There have been times where I have tried not to say anything on a first date, in fear of being labelled with MS to soon, but things happened that made it hard not to say it. Once I was having some vision issues due to optical migraines, it was making it hard for me to drive too far at night because the lights would bother me. I tried to awkwardly explain that I needed to meet somewhere closer to me because I couldn't drive far. This I'm sure just made me sound like a brat who didn't want to be inconvenienced with going out of her way. Things were a little strange, but once I explained what was really going on it was no big deal.

     I don't know why I always expect it to be a big deal. It is the furthest thing from a big deal to me, and I don't know why I would expect people to feel other wise.

     Other times it's the first thing I lead off with, which I think usually just throws people off because that's not usually the type of conversation you expect to be having on a first date. Most people don't know too much about the disease and sometimes it turns into a question and answer learning session. Even if we don't see each other again, I guess I'm spreading awareness? Or something.

     Sometimes I don't mention it at all and it feels awesome not talking about, because sometimes I just don't want to talk about it. But weirdly, it feels like an act. Like I'm playing a character. While I'm not really lying, no one has ever just asked"hey do you have a disease you want to talk about?" I still feel like I'm lying by not disclosing it. 

     All in all though, it has been an interesting experience learning different ways to talk about. Aside from first dates, there are going to be tons of situtations in my life where I am going to need to gauge if I need to talk about it, and what I really need to disclose. The last thing I ever want is for people to feel sorry for me, and I've been learning new ways to put it across as something that needs to be taken seriously, but not pitied.