I was talking to my boyfriend over dinner the other night about how much I love writing this blog, but that I've had nothing new to write about at the moment. My health is great, my mood is great, there are no new MS things to rant about. He brought up a great point, that that in its self is something to write about. I write on this blog only when I have something to say about living with MS, and if reading this blog is your only insight into my life than it would seem that I'm always struggling. But I'm not, and I appreciate the good days more than anything.
     MS makes me grateful for the smallest things. Days that I can see clearly, feel both my feet, wake up with out the room spinning and walk in a straight line are all days I'm thankful for. One of the great things about having MS is that it has made me thankful for so many small things that I used to take for granted.
     I talked recently about having started a new medication, it was giving me some trouble for a while. But things have turned around and it has since been amazing. I haven't been on it long enough to see how its effecting the progression of the MS, but in terms of side effects alone, they have all dissipated and this is the best I've felt on a medication in years. Taking a pill twice a day has been amazing compared to injecting myself nightly. It's so nice being able to just take a pill and go to bed.
     I had a neurology appointment this past Monday and my doctor said it was one of my best visits in a while. There is a check list of current symptoms you have to fill out before you're appointment, and this was the first time in a while that I only had one thing to check off. That one thing was fatigue, which I talked about recently. My vitamin D levels were a little low, but everything else looked great. I hate going to neurology appointments because I never know how its gong to turn out. I have gone to countless appointments feeling great but then finding out that there are things wrong. So it feels amazing when I find out that my body feels the same way I do, because sometimes we don't agree on things.
     I have been beyond thankful for my family and friends who have been there for me in the last four or five months when I was going through some hard times in both my physical and personal life. It makes a world of difference when there are amazing people supporting you when you are going through a hard time. It is even more amazing that once that time is through you have the same people to enjoy the good times with. I have been incredibly thankful for my boyfriend, who is very much responsible for the good mood portion of my life. For my parents, who I love dearly and have continually supported me in every aspect of my life. All of my friends, who are a constant ring of support and love, and for my best friend, who inspires me daily and is the hardest working person I know.
     A few days ago I opened a time capsule that I made in my class in fourth grade. It was to be opened in 2015 and I had forget about it before this week. I was nervous to open it. I assumed that fourth grade me expected to be married with children and have an amazing career by the time I was 25, all of which has obviously not happened. I opened it expecting to be disheartened and disappointment I hadn't met fourth grade Teresa's expectations. But I opened it anyways. Where I was to write my expectations for the future and what I thought my life would be like, the only thing I wrote was "when I grow up I want to be a writer, because I love to write and it seems fun." So, I guess I'm on track after all.
   

     I am often open and descriptive when talking about most things that are happening to me due to multiple sclerosis, but chronic MS fatigue is something I have never been able to really describe. Fatigue is the most common MS symptom and is the reason most people with MS stop working, and it sounds like the dumbest thing in the world.

     You're just too tired.

     Not in pain, not numb, not tingly, just tired.

     I have maybe two or three weeks of extreme fatigue a year. Not enough to hinder my ability to work or function on a regular basis, but they are horrible weeks. It's like everything is impossible. It's not even that you feel like you want to constantly sleep, you just don't have any energy, and there is no reason. It always makes me feel horrible. I will have absolutely no excuse to be tired, I will have had a good nights sleep, maybe even slept in, but it feels like I haven't slept in days. It's really hard to explain that, no, I'm not being lazy, but my body physically will not allow me to do things.
     I'm generally a pretty tidy person, clutter drives me nuts. But when I get on these fatigue kicks, I have zero energy to do anything about the clutter that's driving me nuts. I leave the clothes on the floor, the papers all of over my desk, and my bed unmade. A good way of seeing what kind of day I'm having is to look in my room to see if my bed is made, but don't do that, that's creepy. It just makes me feel gross to not be able to do such simple tasks. My absolute least favorite thing about being fatigued is cooking. When I'm alone I have zero desire to cook anything. I'm vegan, so I tend to have to do a lot of cooking. I get too tired to cook which puts me in a bad mood because I'm hungry, but then the being hungry gets me ever more tired. Its an annoying never ending loop for days. I have had more granola bars for meals this week than anyone ever should. If I never had a granola bar again for a long time that would be great.
     I came across this video a year or so ago and it was awesome seeing  someone else explain exactly how I felt, especially someone my own age. Generally, most MS groups and forums are filled with people much older than me.

     Like I said these weeks don't happen very often for me, but it is definitely happening this week. I started a new medication recently and my body is just completely run down from adapting to it. It feels like I can sit all day but the inside of my body is running a mile a minute and its exhausting. The only great part of these fatigue weeks is that I feel a little justified in my netflix marathons. So for now I'm just going to ride out the week with Bob's Burgers.
     To further prove this complete exhaustion, I just put this post on my pastry recipe blog instead of this one.