Lately I’ve been working on something that I like to call “my quest for selfishness,” which I swear is not a bitchy as it sounds. Let me see if I can explain it in words other than the nonsensically ones floating in my head. 

Alright, so after writing that first sentence I wrote and rewrote my longwinded explanation three different times, but nothing seemed to sound right. So to make things easier, on myself and your understanding, I’ll put it simply. Most of my life I have always kept my mouth shut and put other peoples feelings first, wether it was for my own benefit of not. I do love making other people happy, but most of the times I never think about myself. This is something I had never really noticed until it was pointed by multiple people and therapists. Once it was pointed out to me, I realized how shitty it made me feel. But of course I kept doing it. Until very recently, I’m not sure what happened but I realized its ok to put yourself first sometimes. It took me until I was 25 to realize this, but better late than never I guess.

So I decided to make some small changes. I’ve been trying to speak up for myself more, really think about what I want in situations and I’ve been less indecisive by making decisions for myself without waiting for cues from other people. I know these seem like basic human things to do, but they aren’t things that I usually do. In the midst of all my “thinking of myself sprees,” I decided to get a tattoo. Which for anyone who knows me, is a very un-Teresa like thing to do. I think that’s why I had never done it, not because I didn’t want to, but because other people would think it was unlike me. 

                It's small and simple, but I love it. Now I guess is the part where I explain.

     Counting to three has been my mantra, so to speak, for a long time. Whenever I have to deal with almost anything MS related, I always count to three. Wether its injecting in a painful spot, moving my leg when it constantly feels like its asleep, or going into an appointment, I always count to three in my head and then just do it. This has helped me a lot through my MS related fatigue. MS fatigue is really hard to explain to anyone who has never been through it. Everyone gets tired, but its a different kind of tired. Sometimes the idea of simply standing up to turn the fan off seems like running a marathon. I got it as a reminder to myself to just count to three and you can get through anything. Also as a bonus I decided I wont explain to my children when I have them, I’m just going to tell them that I am that serious about time outs that I got the 1 2 3 you’re in big trouble countdown tattooed on my wrist.